Twice Shy

We have been asked to play for the first wedding we'll get to attend for someone my age.

Actually, I found this kind of exciting because I didn't actually think we'd be able to go to the wedding at all. The family is on a tight budget and we've gone different ways in the past few years due to church disagreements. I'm excited for my friend and her fiance although it feels very strange that she's getting married considering I've only been introduced to her husband-to-be once. We used to see them close to every week. Now...she has a nine-month-old sister I've seen once. She's getting married and I don't know anything about her fiance other than he has the good taste to have fallen in love with her.

Thinking about this brought up a discussion I had a few weeks back with a family who have a lot of friends living in a tight-knit church in Grand Rapids. Apparently, these folks all came to a very similar philosophy and decided to live near each other, some even moving quite a distance to accomplish this. Part of me really enjoys this idea, but another part is scared. It seems to me that every time we've begun getting close to families that I'd like to live near, there's a sudden difference of opinion that causes people to act like they've been in a divorce. People don't talk and they say unkind things to other people and actively try to cause trouble where they once loved. The bitterness and betrayal causes some very long-lasting hurts - and not the constructive kind that turns someone away from doing bad things.

I don't think this was the way Jesus intended his church to be like and I can't really figure out why I've had it happen several times in my life. It's possible that where people threaten to become a tightly-knit family, Satan works harder to split them apart; it's also possible that people who are mavericks enough to split out of the regular system of church-going are often going to have many rebel tendencies making living together difficult.

I'd love to belong somewhere where extended families are at peace with each other and have no problem living in close proximity to each other. But honestly, even if offered the chance I think I'd be afraid to take it. Not with my own family, but with other families. There's a saying: "Once bitten, twice shy" and I've been bitten a few times now.

My friend who is getting married is one of the ones who left quietly, without the dramatic burning of bridges I've experience in the past; which is why we still have the kind of friendship that leaves an opening for her ask for us to play at her wedding. I'm thankful for that blessing.

And maybe I've taken on too dramatic of an attitude, seen things as much bigger and badder than they have to be. Because to be honest, I think I have a weakness for magnifying controversy. Sort of the same way I've heard some people do when they say, "I don't want to get a dog because I'll be sad when he dies someday." They're almost enjoying or anticipating their future sadness instead of saying, "Yes, I'll probably be sad when he dies; but in the meantime I'll have lots of years when I'll have the pleasure his company."

So maybe someday we will be able to live by likeminded friends - just as I hope to be able to live by my family. And if that day comes, I'll have to look at it as a blessing without sliding into the trap of worrying "Who's going to get mad?"