Sick, Sick, Sick

Top Ten things to do while in bed with the flu:

1.) Watch the entire first season of Heroes on Netflix "instant play" (did someone take out stock in a stage-blood company? Why does someone always end up in a pool of the stuff in this show, anyway? And what's with all the Biblical names while spouting short philosophical essays on the method of evolution at the beginning of each episode?)

2.) Drink honey and lemon tea. It's good not to run out of real tea while you're doing this. Something about honey-lemon-mint tea tastes weird even with your taste buds all wacky.

3.) Wash hands every time one gets up. Better put lotion on after that.

4.) Eat odd things like four pieces of cinnamon-sugar toast instead of real food.

5.) Cough every 5.2 seconds. Any more than this would be excessive.

6.) Call a radio talk show and give an opinion on Charles Barclay's goofy "fake Christian" comment. Basic point: some people have big mouths. For public reasons it may be good to demand an apology from the guy, but only because to not demand the apology is to let folks think the only people you can talk badly about on TV are Hitler and Conservative Christians. Otherwise...sticks and stones can hurt our bones. (Actually, I didn't do this. Mark did. But since he's also sick, I figure this option does qualify as things to do while laying around with the flu.)

7.) Buy stock in Nyquil.

8.) Play "catch the sneeze": how fast can you get your hand over your mouth when a sneeze takes you by surprise?

9.) Sing bass. Especially if you're normally a soprano.

AND LASTLY....

10.) See if you can get better the fastest by taking 20,000 milligrams of vitamin C at a sitting!

P.S. If you can swallow 20 1000 mg horsepills in a sitting, you have an iron stomach and have no business being in bed with anything in the first place.